I procrastinated the piecing of Pruin's quilt due to lack of mojo and meaning.
I procrastinated the piecing of Pruin's quilt due to my underlying terror about becoming a mom.
This quilt is for my unknown child and I have no idea what it takes to be a mom. How to make decisions about the life of another being when the future is so unknown. How to trust my gut when the stakes seem so high. A million other fears about my capability and the result of that ineptitude affecting an innocent.
All this fear and indecision was held in the piles of triangles waiting to make this quilt.
But as with this child, I had to start. In nine short weeks this being will come into the world whether I am ready or not. So the quilt might as well be ready.
I channeled the age old advice, 'fake it 'til you make it' and got the machine out.
It wasn't pretty. There was a lot of grunting.
It was also very dim. The lighting in our dining room is great for eating and giving your skin that airbrushed look, but not so hot for concentrating on detail. About a quarter of the way through I donned my headtorch in order to get a bit more light.
It's all very glamorous over here.
It took awhile to get my flow. These shirts are all different textures and I kept getting the corners caught up in the teeth. The seam allowance is all over the place, but the rows seem to be lining up relatively well.
Piecing went a lot faster than I expected. That scared me a little. Surely, it should take more time to make something this laden with meaning. But perhaps the speed is meaningful as well. If there are a few things pregnancy has taught me about life in general, the first is that there are too many 'shoulds' in this life and trying to follow the precise directions of all those 'shoulds' may very well end you up in a ditch. The second is that time moves on much faster than expected or desired.
This quilt is unlike my last in so many ways. It is much more automatic. A lot less thought and consideration is going into the piecing. I'm not sure how I feel about this streamlined process of using a pattern. It still seems a bit hollow but I can't deny I enjoy the visual created using patterns. Every day and quilt can't be the giddy experience of my first. In fact, I probably won't find that again. It was a unique experience taking in more than just learning to quilt. I really can't expect to replicate that every time. I'm working on finding the uniqueness in each quilt experience and accepting whatever comes.
Three hours later and the rows were done. I had been laying them back on the floor once complete. A little throwback to my initial technique. The grunting was getting embarrassing Then I noticed my bare dining room walls.
Oh! Hello, new design walls.
The six rows of Pruin's quilt now hang taped to the dining room wall.
A constant reminder to keep sewing.
Just keep sewing.
The baby is coming whether I'm ready or not.
Just keep sewing.